June 1st, 2006
I lost the baby. Throughout the morning there was light bleeding, but cramping and heavier bleeding didn't happen until around 5:00. After that, things progressed very much like my last miscarriage. The cramping got worse and worse and closer together until finally, at 1:30 I lost one mass of tissue and at 2:00 another. This time the cramping was worse than last time. At one point I even thought that I might die. Of course I didn't, but in the middle of the night when you're in that much pain you don't think all that rationally. I think the worst part of the whole thing was holding my baby in my hand and knowing that I'd never have the chance to hold it again. That I would never see this child smile for the first time or take it's first steps. It's a sad thing to hold all of your hopes and dreams in your hand knowing that it will never be. I look forward to the day when I will be in heaven and finally be reunited with my babies.
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