Subchronic Hematoma

Yesterday the nurse practitioner called me with the restults of my bloodwork and my ultrasound.

The good news: most of the tests came back negative, the ultrasound showed a strong baby with heartbeat, and my hCG lvels are rising excellently.

The bad news:

1) I showed at least one mutation in my test for mild hyperhomocysteinemia (MTHFR), but my doc was not worried about it.

2) She wants to redo my test for Antinuclear Antibodies (ANA). Apparently the fact that I was on aspirin when the blood was taken could have skewed the results. For this reason, my doctor wants to redo that test with me not on aspirin.

3) And finally, the ultrasound showed a subchronic hematoma or hemorrhage in my uterus next to the gestational sac.

My feelings on the matter:

To start with, I am worried about waiting all the way until my next visit before being re-tested for ANA. I stopped taking aspirin last wednesday when they ran those tests and took 8 tubes of blood. Obviously, with the lower blood supply, I did not want to thin my blood any more than it already was. So, it's been 9 days since I've last taken aspirin. Ideally, I would like to have the ANA test done right away so I can get started on aspirin again. I've noticed my blood pressure has started going back up and is already above normal. After some research online, I found that ANA is associated with subchronic hematoma. I find this interesting and can't help but wonder if my subchronic hematoma was the restult of me being off aspirin for as long as I was. Just makes me wonder.

Now, about the subchronic hematoma. I also did a little research on this particular condition. What I've learned is that subchronic hematoma sometimes causes vaginal bleeding during pregnancy and increases risk of miscarriage. One study found that out of more than 1,000 women who went in for vaginal bleeding, 92 of them had subchronic hematoma. Of those 92 women, only 20% went on to miscarry. It is generally accepted that subchronic hematoma increases a womans risk of miscarriage. I do not like that it increases chance of miscarriage, but I am encouraged that it only happens in 20% of the cases, and that that was in women who had suffered some bleeding. I, fortunately, have not had any bleeding and have been put on pelvic rest until my next ultrasound which is in about 3 weeks.

Please do not tell me I need to stop researching online. I've had some well meaning friends advise me to just let it go and trust God. That is very easily said, but not easily done, and honestly, not wise either.

To start with, I do not believe my research is for my lack of faith. I simply want to understand what is going on, and I appreciate being fully informed of my risks. Some people think that knowing too much causes unneccessary worry. I do not believe this to be true, epsecially in my case. For me, having some solid studies and facts helps me know what I'm really dealing with. I absolutely hate vague answers given by well-meaning doctors. They say things like "don't worry. Most pregnancies that have progressed this far will be just fine". That's true, BUT, I have had 2 previous miscarriages. I've defied the odds more than once and I would rather know the TRUTH than be stuck in la la land somewhere believing there are no problems out there, and everything is going to be fine. NO. I refuse to suffer 8 miscarriages before I realize that there is a problem that needs to be addressed. I think that the sooner I get my facts straight and try to understand what is going on with my body, the sooner I can help resolve the problem. Because, after all, I know my body better than any doctor out there.

That being said, I do honestly believe that God is the only One who knows what is best for me right now. I trust that whatever happens to me will be part of His will. And I am ok with that. However, God has NOT promised me that I will carry this baby to term. My "having faith" is not going to give me a baby if it is not part of His will.

I feel that by studying and understanding what is going on, I am simply preparing myself for what could happen. I am not being unrealistic about what is going on. I feel that my research is simply helping me to be wise with my emotions. It would be foolish to get all excited and emotionally tied up in a pregnancy that has a very high risk rate. Instead, it would be wise to prepare myself for the worst. I know it may seem pessimistic to you, but I truly feel that I am only being realistic. Why should I work myself up only to suffer more than neccessary if things were to turn out poorly?

I have a 40% chance of miscarriage already. And that is simply because I have had two previous miscarriages without a live birth. On top of that I have subchronic hematoma and a possible autoimmune problem. Should I just assume that I am going to have this baby? No. Should I pray about it? Yes. Should I rely on God's will? Certainly. Does my coming to terms with the facts make me less Christian? I don't think so. I'm just being honest with myself and I don't think God would be upset about that.